now dispensing advice AND prescriptions. (five cents, please).

“I just made her aware of more options, like maybe you can try Splenda.”
-Ms. Messinger, a twenty-year-old life coach who charges from $25 to $75 an hour for sessions with a client

I should have just become a life coach at twenty years old. Despite the fact that my own life was unraveling and I was bouncing around from medication to medication, surely I could have dispensed advice like that.

In other, somewhat-related news, I found a Tory Burch bag containing generous amounts of both Adderall and Xanax on the street last night.  After briefly (BRIEFLY!) entertaining all of the glorious possibilities of such a find, I've been trying to return it. I facebooked the owner, but it won't let me send her a message. I have her address, do I ring her doorbell? Perhaps instead of these heavy meds, I could tell her, you could just try Splenda.